


her heart will kill her, in time

by Dragunov



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-03 23:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragunov/pseuds/Dragunov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Madoka Kaname becomes hope, but Homura Akemi was always loneliness, and suddenly it makes sense why she is so desperately in love, why she would do anything, because</p>
            </blockquote>





	her heart will kill her, in time

Madoka Kaname becomes hope, but Homura Akemi was always loneliness, and suddenly it makes sense why she is so desperately in love, why she would do anything, because

She knows what it is like to live the same day, over and over again. To see the same white wall, to smell the same antiseptic smell. To hear the unwavering beep of the same hospital machines. Machines monitoring her wavering heartbeat; still weak, the same. To eat food so bland it tastes the same, to shiver in her sleep, no matter how many blankets, the air somehow always clinically cold. And wake, do it all, again, the next day, or is it the day before, what day, she doesn’t know, she stops caring, all the same.

She circles the date of her release.

Standing at the white board, frozen, sitting beneath the bleachers, breathing desperately, and their whispers hit her like deja vu, do they think she can not hear them. But she has heard it all before. The same taunts. Too stupid, she can not finish the question in time. Too slow, she can not finish the race in time. A crowd of girls surround her, asking her questions, searching for answers about a life she’s never lived, a life that is different, not the same; they are being friendly, but Homura knows better, has heard it all before; and she starts to feel so, so sick

when Madoka saves her.

“Is it okay if I call you Homura?” Madoka asks, on their way to the nurse’s office. 

And her heart skips a beat.

She decides to die. Her heart will kill her, in time, but she is tired of waiting. She wonders, later, after Madoka saves her life, and Mami explains that they are magical girls. She wonders if this was the witch in her head, sowing seeds of grief, but she knows, to believe that would be a lie. She wanted to die, she always did, and then, Madoka. Madoka, the warmest color rose, like passionate flame, and a flash of hope that, maybe, she will no longer be alone.

And.

Madoka is dying in her arms. 

Homura knows what it means to be alone. To be stuck in a hospital, without talent. To be unloved, and unappreciated. To lose a family, again and again. 

She looks deep into Kyubei’s eyes, clinical cold, circles of red like little drops of blood, and what she sees is an infinity of suffering, magical girls since the beginning of time, powerful, set apart and completely alone; and they are her, and she is them, and Homura Akemi must save Madoka Kaname, she’s not entirely sure why, except a longing in her heart like no other, a skipped beat.

She will follow this longing through time, to the end of time, she will create time, she will write a world unlike the one she sees in Kyubei’s eyes, no matter how long it takes. Her heart will kill her

in time.

She makes her wish.

She wakes in a hospital bed, the same bed, the same day. The date of her release circled like infinite loop.

No one knows, but her. She is alone. She suffers. She hopes.


End file.
